When Work Feels Harder Than It Should

Understanding career friction—and how to take back control of your progression.

There are moments in every career that are expected to feel challenging.

Learning something new. Taking on more responsibility. Navigating change.

But there’s another kind of experience that feels different.

It’s quieter. Harder to explain. And often easy to dismiss at first.

It can show up as:

• Progress feeling slower than expected

• Opportunities not quite matching your effort

• A sense that you’re doing everything “right”—but not moving forward in the same way others are

Over time, it creates a question that’s difficult to ignore:

Why does this feel harder than it should?

This is what we can call career friction.

And if you’ve experienced it, it’s worth saying clearly:

You’re not behind. And you’re not missing something obvious.

You may be navigating a system that isn’t fully set up to recognise or accelerate your contribution.

What Career Friction Really Is

Career friction isn’t about a lack of ambition or capability.

It’s about a misalignment between what you’re putting in—and what you’re getting back.

• The work you’re delivering vs. the opportunities you’re offered

• The results you’re driving vs. the recognition you receive

• The effort you’re investing vs. the speed of your progression

  
  

When those things are aligned, work feels stretching—but fair.

When they’re not, everything starts to feel heavier.

Not because you’re doing more.

But because you’re carrying more uncertainty, more effort, and more self-questioning than necessary.

The Data Makes This Clear

This isn’t just anecdotal.

Over the past decade, one of the most consistent findings in workplace research is that career progression isn’t evenly distributed—even when performance is comparable.

One of the clearest examples is the “broken rung”—the first promotion to manager.

• For every 100 men promoted, only 93 women are promoted

• For women of colour, that number drops even further

  
  

At first glance, that gap might not seem significant.

But here’s what matters.

That difference compounds.

Because fewer women are promoted early:

• Fewer gain leadership experience

• Fewer are considered for senior roles

• Fewer enter the pipeline for top positions

  
  

By the time leadership decisions are made, the playing field is already uneven.

This isn’t about a lack of ambition.

It’s about how opportunity is distributed.

Where Career Friction Actually Comes From

Career friction rarely comes from one obvious barrier.

It’s usually the result of small, repeated differences:

• Being slightly less likely to be recommended for a stretch project

• Being slightly less visible in leadership conversations

• Receiving slightly less clarity on what it takes to progress

  
  

Individually, these moments are easy to overlook.

Collectively, they shape outcomes.

And over time, they create a very real gap between: what you’re capable of—and what you’re being given the chance to do.

Why This Gets Internalized (And Why That Matters)

When progress feels slower than expected, the default response is often internal:

• “Maybe I need to push harder”

• “Maybe I’m not ready yet”

• “Maybe I need to prove myself more”

  
  

But here’s the important reframe: Not all friction is a signal to work harder.

Sometimes, it’s a signal to understand the environment more clearly.

Because if the system isn’t transparent…If opportunities aren’t distributed consistently…If visibility isn’t automatic… Then doing more of the same won’t necessarily change the outcome. And recognising that is not giving up, it's stepping into a more strategic position.

The Hidden Factor: Visibility and Advocacy

One of the biggest drivers of career progression is not just performance—it’s visibility and advocacy.

In most organisations, opportunities don’t come only from formal reviews.

They come from:

• Conversations you’re not in

• Decisions made behind closed doors

• People putting your name forward

  
  

Research consistently shows that women are often:

• Well-mentored—but less sponsored

  
  

That means:

• You may be getting advice

• But not always getting advocated for

  
  

And that gap matters.

Because in many cases: The next opportunity doesn’t go to the most capable person. It goes to the most visible and advocated-for person.

This isn’t about changing who you are.

It’s about understanding how the system works—and choosing how you engage with it.

What This Means for You

If your career has felt harder than expected, here’s what’s worth holding onto:

• Your ambition is not the problem

• Your capability is not in question

• Your experience is not isolated

  
  

What you may be experiencing is friction created by:

• Lack of clarity

• Lack of visibility

• Lack of advocacy

  
  

And the moment you recognise that, something shifts.

Because now you’re no longer trying to “fix yourself”, you’re starting to navigate the system differently

How to Take Back Control of Your Progression

You don’t need to overhaul everything overnight.

But there are specific, practical ways to reduce friction—and increase momentum.

1. Get Crystal Clear on What Progression Actually Requires

If expectations are vague, effort becomes guesswork.

And guesswork creates friction.

Instead:

• Ask directly what is required for promotion

• Request specific examples of what “ready” looks like

• Clarify what experiences or outcomes are missing

Don’t settle for:

“Just keep doing what you’re doing”

Push for:

“Here are the exact things that would move you forward”

Clarity is leverage.

2. Stop Assuming Your Work Speaks for Itself

It doesn’t.

In most organisations, people speak for your work.

That means you need to:

• Share outcomes, not just activity

• Highlight impact in measurable terms

• Make sure the right people are aware of your contributions

  
  

This isn’t about self-promotion.

It’s about ensuring your work is understood, not just completed.

3. Build Relationships That Can Change Your Trajectory

Not all relationships have the same impact on your career.

Focus on:

• People who influence decisions

• Leaders who sponsor and advocate

• Stakeholders who can amplify your work

  
  

And be intentional:

• Share your goals

• Ask for input

• Make your ambitions visible

Opportunities rarely come from being invisible.

4. Understand Where Decisions Actually Happen

Career progression is not just a formal process.

It’s influenced by:

• Informal conversations

• Leadership discussions

• Perception and positioning

  
  

Take time to understand:

• Who is involved in promotion decisions

• How opportunities are assigned

• Where visibility matters most

  
  

Once you understand the system you can start positioning yourself within it rather than working around it.

5. Assess the Environment Honestly

Not all friction is yours to solve.

Ask yourself:

• Are opportunities distributed fairly here?

• Is progression transparent?

• Do others experience the same patterns?

  
  

If the answer points to systemic issues, that’s important information.

Sometimes the most powerful move is not to push harder it’s to choose a different environment.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Play Bigger—Before You Feel Ready

One of the most common patterns is waiting until you feel 100% ready.

But in many environments, “ready” is not clearly defined.

So instead:

• Put yourself forward for stretch opportunities

• Apply before you meet every requirement

• Step into visibility earlier than feels comfortable

Confidence often follows action—not the other way around.

A Different Way to Think About Progress

Career friction can make you question yourself.

But it can also sharpen your awareness.

It helps you see:

• Where systems are unclear

• Where effort isn’t translating

• Where your energy is best spent

  
  

And that awareness is powerful.

Because it allows you to shift from:

“How do I work harder?”

To:

“How do I move smarter?”

Final Thought

You don’t need to keep proving yourself in environments that don’t fully recognise your value.

You don’t need to carry the weight of unclear systems or inconsistent opportunities.

What you can do is:

• Understand how progression really works

• Make your contribution visible

• Build the right support around you

• And choose environments where your growth is supported—not slowed

  
  

The goal isn’t just to move forward it's to move forward in a way that reflects your potential.

And increasingly, that means making deliberate choices about where, and how, you play.

Not smaller.

Bigger. On your terms.

Want to start playing bigger? Check out our FREE Play Bigger Playbook and get started today.