Giving Yourself Permission: The Missing Step Between Knowing What You Want and Going After It

There’s a quiet truth that many women carry around with them.

It’s not that they don’t know what they want. It’s not that they’re confused, unmotivated, or lacking vision.

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It’s that they haven’t given themselves permission to want it.

Permission to desire something bigger. Permission to imagine a different version of their life. Permission to go after what feels meaningful, even if it disrupts the story they’ve been telling the world, or themselves.

So many women have a surprisingly clear inner knowing. They know what energizes them, what drains them, what they want more of and what they’ve outgrown. They can picture the work they’d love to do, the life they’d love to live, the way they want to feel on a daily basis.

And yet… it stays locked inside.

Not because it isn’t real, but because allowing it to be real feels risky.

Why Permission Is So Hard to Give Yourself

From a young age, many women are taught, subtly or explicitly, that being “good” means being agreeable, reliable, selfless, and reasonable. Wanting too much can feel selfish. Wanting something different can feel disloyal. Wanting something uncertain can feel irresponsible.

So when a desire starts to surface, it often comes with a chorus of internal objections:

• Who do you think you are to want that?

• What if you fail?

• What if people are disappointed?

• What if you change your mind?

• What if you’re judged, criticized, or seen as unrealistic?

Sometimes the fear isn’t even about failing — it’s about succeeding and having to live with the consequences of that success. Changing dynamics. Outgrowing roles, relationships, places. Becoming visible.

So instead of giving themselves permission, many women do something far more socially acceptable: they minimize.

They tell themselves it’s “not that important.” They say “maybe one day” and quietly move on. They stay busy, practical, and sensible. They convince themselves they should just be grateful for what they already have.

And on the outside, everything looks fine.

But on the inside, there’s often a dull ache: a sense of being slightly misaligned with their own life.

Permission Isn’t About Certainty, It’s About Honesty

One of the biggest misconceptions about permission is that you need to be sure before you give it.

Sure it’s the right path. Sure it will work out. Sure it won’t upset anyone. Sure you won’t change your mind.

But permission doesn’t come after certainty — it comes before it.

Permission simply means allowing yourself to be honest about what you want, without immediately editing, dismissing, or judging it.

It’s saying: “This desire exists. I don’t have to justify it. I don’t have to act on it yet. I’m just allowed to acknowledge it.”

That alone can be incredibly powerful.

Because when you deny yourself permission at the desire stage, you never even give yourself a chance to explore what might be possible.

Step One: Give Yourself Space to Want What You Want

For many women, the first barrier isn’t action, it’s attention.

Life moves fast. Responsibilities pile up. And desires that don’t feel immediately practical are the easiest thing to push aside. So the first step is deceptively simple: create space to listen.

This is where journaling, reflection, and intentional daydreaming matter.

Not the kind of journaling where you’re trying to solve a problem or be productive, but the kind where you let yourself wander.

You might start with questions like:

• If nothing was off-limits, what would I want more of in my life?

• What am I secretly drawn to but rarely admit?

• What feels exciting to think about, even if it feels unrealistic?

• If I wasn’t worried about disappointing anyone, what would I choose?

The key here is no filtering.

No “but that’s silly.” No “that would never work.” No “I should be grateful instead.”

Those thoughts can come later — this stage is about imagination, not logistics.

Many women are surprised by what emerges when they give themselves permission to think freely. Desires that have been buried under years of “shoulds” suddenly feel alive again. And even if you don’t act on them straight away, reconnecting with that part of yourself can be deeply validating.

Step Two: Say It Out Loud

There is something transformative about voicing what you want.

A desire that lives only in your head can feel fragile, hypothetical, and easy to ignore. But when you say it out loud, to another human being, it becomes more real.

This doesn’t mean announcing your plans to everyone you know. It means choosing safe, supportive spaces to practice being honest.

It might be:

• A friend you trust

• A partner

• A mentor or coach

• A colleague

• Even a journal entry written as if you’re speaking to someone

Saying “I think I want…” or “lately I’ve been realising…” can feel vulnerable. You might worry about being judged or not taken seriously. But more often than not, women are met with curiosity, encouragement, or recognition.

And even if the response isn’t perfect, the act of saying it matters.

It signals to yourself that your desires are worth being expressed, not hidden or dismissed.

Over time, speaking your wants out loud builds confidence. It helps you refine what you actually mean. It opens doors you didn’t know existed. And it makes it harder to pretend you don’t care.

Step Three: Let Yourself Be Seen as Imperfect

One of the biggest reasons women with strong visions don’t give themselves permission is perfectionism.

The belief that you need to get it right the first time. That you need to be fully formed before you begin. That if you change your mind, it somehow invalidates your previous choices.

But wanting something doesn’t require a flawless plan.

You are allowed to want something and not know exactly how to get there. You are allowed to try something and decide it’s not right. You are allowed to evolve.

Giving yourself permission means accepting that growth is rarely neat or linear — and that being seen figuring it out is not a failure.

In fact, it’s often the most honest way to live.

Step Four: Take One Small, Aligned Action

Permission becomes real through action — but that doesn’t mean leaping into the unknown overnight.

Action can be small. Gentle. Experimental.

It might look like:

• Researching a course or opportunity

• Having a conversation you’ve been avoiding

• Setting a boundary that reflects what you want

• Allocating time or money towards something meaningful

• Updating your CV, portfolio, or LinkedIn profile

• Saying no to something that no longer aligns

These steps don’t have to be dramatic — they just have to be intentional.

Each small action reinforces the belief that your wants are worth responding to. And momentum builds not through bold leaps, but through consistent, aligned movement.

Step Five: Expect Discomfort and Don’t Let It Stop You

Giving yourself permission doesn’t eliminate fear — it often brings it closer to the surface.

You may feel guilt for wanting more. You may feel anxious about being judged. You may worry about letting people down.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Discomfort is often a sign that you’re stretching beyond old patterns — not that you should retreat back into them.

Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this fear? ”Try asking, “Can I move forward even with this fear present?”

Permission isn’t about being fearless — it’s about being brave enough to listen to yourself anyway.

You Don’t Need Anyone Else’s Approval

At its core, giving yourself permission is an act of self-trust.

It’s deciding that your desires don’t need to be validated before they’re honored. That your life doesn’t need to make sense to everyone else. That wanting something deeply is reason enough to explore it.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to justify your dreams. You don’t need to wait until you feel “ready.”

You just need to stop disqualifying yourself before you’ve even begun.

Because the truth is: if you already know what you want, the only thing standing between you and that next chapter might simply be permission.

And that is something you’re allowed to give yourself — starting now.

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